i'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned

Wally the chipmunk just scampered into the office, looking for marshmallows. I've grown fond of him and his daily visits. I wish he wasn't afraid of me though... Well, only two more weeks of camp (Family camp to boot! --which everyone claims is easier) However... for these last two weeks I'm staying in a cabin with 7 other girls. I was the first to pack and grab a bottom bunk yesterday -- however, I was busy all day doing Registration (and when I mean all day... I really mean ALL day) so I didn't get a chance to unpack anything, let alone make my bed. So after a long day of working... I take an hour off to have some supervised purple with my man up in the Apartment. Curfew rolls around and I'm forced to go back to my cabin. I was sleepy anyways, so I was glad to get to bed. But what do I come to find? Darkness. All the girls were already asleep! Before 11?! Crap. So I make my way through the dark room, barely missing sprawled out suitcases... tripping over my own pile of bags, only to find that -- oh yeah, I never made my bed.. and all my clothes are packed away in my suitcase and I can't see a thing. I didn't want to turn on the light because I'm too considerate of people and I didn't want to wake anyone up. So I didn't, at the expensive of my own comfort. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I slept in my jeans, on top of a blanket that made too much noise getting out of the plastic bag it was in. Needless to say, I had a horrible night full of tossing and turning... only to wake up at 1am and 2am and 5am and then 6am when my alarm went off. I gathered my things and walked over to the bathhouse (uuugh..) and took a nice long shower... only to return to the cabin and find that everyone is STILL asleep. I tried hard not to make noise... but goodness gracious... I don't know how I'm going to survive for the next two weeks. I would much rather have them all stay up super late than go to bed early. I can sleep through noise.. but I feel bad being the one making the noise that others would have to sleep through. And I'm so not comfortable with anyone yet so its still awkward. Hopefully the nights and mornings will get better. Until then.. I will complain.  

In case you were full of curiosity, the picture is of me using the radio to announce over the PA! well, i wasn't really in the picture... just posing. It's what I do all day though... well for the next two weeks anyways. I'll kind of miss it probably. Maybe... not.. 

you may say that i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one..

i've finally done it. this is quite the momentous occasion. i've saved up $1,000 in the bank. (just in savings, not including checking) that may sound bad, considering i'm a senior in college... but i've never been good with saving money, just to save money. i can save when i have something to save FOR. a goal. a purpose. but not just to save. but now i have! thanks to camp and their bi-weekly paychecks that add up quick!

so i'll be getting two more paychecks... which means i'll be able to add at least $500 more into savings and still maybe be able to buy a coach purse at wrentham outlets at the end of summer. we'll see!

on another note... a sad/frustrating note, how am i supposed to feel when the last thing my boyfriend says to me this morning is "don't get snappy with me"? because i'm struggling here.. really i am. should i brush it off my shoulders, or actually let it bother me? it really is my choice - which is true in every situation. whether good or bad, stupid or brilliant, it is totally up to you how you choose to react. so i guess what i'll do is just bottle it up and not deal with it until i actually talk to him again and then i'll probably bring it up and yeah -- we'll see where it goes from there! no really.. i'll try to be in a better mood. i don't know, this whole money thing really brightened up my day! because before i was in a pretty foul mood because of the silent morning i had... but now... i've got money in the bank! and a chipmunk at my feet!

everything looks perfect from far away, come down now... but we'll stay

a chipmunk literally just scampered across the office floor. it scared me at first, but then i got intrigued and followed it (and by followed it, i mean chased it) out the door. chipmunks are so cute and abundant here at camp. why they don't scare me like squirrels do, i have no idea. but my close encounter this morning made me smile and feel a little silly at the time, because i was chasing a chipmunks. luckily no one was around to see my foolishness. at least, i think...

i haven't had a minute to write a blog. i always start and get sidetracked with office work. this morning, i'm adamant about writing an update on my life here at camp. i've never had such a regimented routine. (that's probably redundant, huh?) everything goes according to schedule and i'm the one that announces it over the PA. i wake up at 6:30 am, shower, eat breakfast then sit in the office. some days are crazier than others -- usually sundays and mondays are hectic all day. as the week continues, things slow down. and by thursday/friday... i'm bored out of my mind. so i facebook and write emails. (don't ask me why i don't write on this blog -- i haven't figured that out yet)

being the secretary is a very under-appreciated job. sometimes i let it get to me, but for the most part i don't care. we all have "secret pals" and mine hasn't gotten me anything yet. it's been three weeks -- not even a note saying hello. not gonna lie, makes me sad. sigh. oh well.

oh and the weather. it is not summer here. it has been rainy and cold (60's and below even!) for the past three weeks... (excluding the three sunny days this weekend -- that we happened to go into Boston for, which was awesome! Saw fireworks and a red sox game! which actually got us in trouble... but that's another story) basically my life is good, but i miss tv.

its not my fault that i want to have it all with you

it's been a very weird day. not at all like i expected it to be. instead of hyper, excited, go go go tamara... i turned into slow, fatigued, bored, unmotivated tamara. whether it was my aching arm, my disappointing pay check, getting verbally attacked for no reason, or pms... something made my whole afternoon pretty crappy. deep down inside i am really excited for camp. my nerves probably got the best of me, resulting in nausea that lasted a few hours... no fun. it's been a very weird day, indeed. 

but now i feel better. still a bit tired, but ready to finish packing completely, finish my book (cross your fingers), and attempt to clean a little bit so that my room isn't a complete wreck when i return. yeah, we'll see about that last one. 

really though, i am looking forward to being up at camp this summer. being with bobby will be... wonderful. i won't have to the long distance summer i always have to do. and i'll be experiencing something that he loves. it'll bring us closer together, i'm sure of it. i think i'll have trouble calling him by his name though. you know, like in front of campers and staff. i'll be like, "hey baby... i mean... bobby..." 

my flight leaves at 5:30am tomorrow morning so i'm going to try and go to bed early tonight. not sure that'll happen, but i guess that means i should go finish everything i need to do! 

i'd rather be with you

i have a dead arm from the tetanus shot i got yesterday. i'm too responsible. i fought myself all week and still in the end made myself do the right thing. i guess that's a good thing... but now i'm not so happy about it. really i was just scared of the shot itself, but now i take back my nonchalance about the aching sore arm that happens for days after. just gotta suck it up and be a big girl. 

it's my last day here for two months. i'll be at camp up in massachusetts.. crazy, i know! i wanted to do something different, something new and so here i go. almost ready for 6am mornings and hard mattresses. answering phones, and announcing schedules. enjoying the company of little kids and inevitably dealing with bratty 13 year girls who think they are hot. i'll miss my family. i probably won't miss my mom constantly taking about canap, or my dad's "playful" violence that actually hurts, or sharayah's constant inquiries as to my whereabouts. but i will miss all the rest of my family dynamic. 

"boston" by augustana just played on pandora and it makes me smile because that's where i'm headed tomorrow. i have to finish packing (which is going to be a miracle if i can fit everything i want to bring) and finish reading 'angels & demons' by dan brown today. doesn't seem like much, but i'm sure at the end of the day i'll wonder where the time went. time really does fly.. i hope i have enough energy to keep up with the pace of camp. i don't know exactly what to expect.. but that's half the fun, right? 

and when i see you, i really see you upside down

i've decided that maybe the reason no one likes to read my blog is because, one--they don't know about it, two--even if they knew about it, they wouldn't be interested, three--all the kissing scared them off. so here's my solution.. tadah!

besides that, i leave for camp in five days! very exciting, but i'm oh so apprehensive. i'm going to miss being lazy and having nothing to do all day. but on the plus side i'll be with my man and be getting paid for doing stuff that i believe will be extremely easy to do. i hope camp gives me awesome stories to tell, especially on this blog that no one reads. 

cheers.

smile silent, its all implied

so this is probably the only political post you'll get from me... at least in the next year.. or five. i'm not one to care about politics, but apparently i get pretty opinionated when i'm pmsing. so here's my two cents on recent happenings. 

president obama made a speech at georgetown university, where the white house asked the university to cover up words and symbols in the background because they wanted a uniform platform from which he's given other speeches at other locations. and yet... people are causing an uproar saying that he's "covering up christianity" and giving him crap about showing respect by bowing to a Saudi king. do people not see that obama is trying not to step on anyone's toes? he's trying to respect all religions. he showed his respect to the saudi king by bowing - i'm pretty sure he wasn't worshiping him by doing that. different cultures have different actions that show respect. and he's respecting christianity by covering up a symbol, so that ignorant people don't take it out of context in his speech. 

in his speeches he quotes the bible, and yes, maybe its taken out of context in the sense of building our economy on a rock and not sand but honestly.... christ taught those lessons because they are true and amazing. just because his metaphors are meant to be taken in the context of christ -- they also apply to other situations. like literally -- why would you build your house on sand? something that is easily moved, easily manipulated, easily blown away.... you wouldn't. you would build your house on a rock. something that is stable, secure. foundation -- it applies to many aspects of life -- so for obama to use it in context to our economy is in NO WAY taking it out of context in a harmful or disrespectful way. didn't christ give us these lessons so that we could apply them to all aspects of our lives? 

i just don't understand how people can get so offended by one little thing... and maybe i'm missing some big conspiracy but i honestly think that our president is trying to do the right thing. people are so narrow minded... they see what they want to see and it annoys me so much! just chill and don't let stuff like that bother you. seriously.