who's gonna take the call, when you find out that the road is painted on the wall

even though these past few days have still been stressful, i feel much better. i'm running around, being productive, getting what needs to be done, done. and in the end, i'll feel relieved, i'm sure of it. but the end will never come.. sure, there will be breaks, some down time, vacations.. but you really never stop running around. life doesn't stop. there will always be bills to pay, laundry to wash, jobs to do. it's a bit depressing if you think about it, unless, however, you can imagine those bills, that laundry, in other words, life in general... with someone. a significant other. as independent as i have been forced to be (ie previous horrible non existent relationships), now i can't imagine my life without Bobby. knowing that i'll be able to tell him all the boring or exciting details at the end of my day, is such a comforting thought. i think that's all we really want. someone, anyone to care about us. to listen and actually hear what we have to say. to agree with our skepticism, to argue the other side for no reason, to laugh at our weird laugh, to hold us when we're having an awful day and to kiss us when there are no words left to say. 

do me a favor baby don't reply, cause i can dish it out but i can't take it

something about today.. it's been horrible. constantly irritated and nearly on the brink of tears, at times i felt so frustrated at not only what was bothering me, but just the fact that i was letting it bother me. and it wasn't just one thing. i could list off all the things that made my heavy sighs a bit heavier. and although there were a few positive things... at the end of the day, it feels like the negatives tipped the scale. it was so bad that i didn't even get to tell bobby my good news. and i still haven't. and that in itself brings me to tears -- i'm such a girl. just knowing that i've been in such a terrible mood, that i haven't even told my boyfriend the really awesome thing that happened today (which i'm purposely not stating because he'll probably read this before i get a chance to tell him and how dumb would it be if he found out on my blog? very.) makes me so upset.. upset that i've let myself have such a horrible day -- and for no good reason. i just let things get to me. i'm stressed out and therefore my patience and tolerance have lower a little bit... as i'm sure happens to all of us. but the weird thing is, i don't get stressed out much. but something about running around all day, going to the dentist (ick) and having to make an appointment to get two cavities refilled, and waiting alone in taco bell for 20 minutes, and realizing that my life is so far from the lives of my friends to the point where i feel left out, and letting the tiniest things get to me because i'm stressed out about school and projects and all the things i have to do. i'm not used to running around, i'm out of shape, i've lost my breath. and for some reason, i hear laughter. i hear "please, say it again tamara, just one more time... you're what now?" ".....busy." hahahahahahaha. and i hate that that phrase, conversation, redundant banter is even brought up in my mind. yes, i'm freaking busy. mock me some more please. and now i just realized why i was so defensive about mocking. and that seemed like forever when really it was hours ago that it happened. wow. i need to get some sleep... but i wanted to pass the time while i waited for the pearl harbor soundtrack to download. 6% left and i can sleep to pretty music. such a sad movie. i finally watched the ending tonight.. amazing.. 

at the end of the day, i realize that i just need to sleep and stop thinking and stop worrying and just let today go.... tomorrows a new day -- hopefully it will be better than today.