in my case, i was hurt. i felt unimportant and uncared for by my friends. i broke down in tears on steph's bed and used half a box of kleenex trying to explain why i felt the way i did. i thought i had done a good job not playing the blame game or attacking anyone. but it took steph pointing out that by not playing the blame game, i failed to see that i had equal blame in the matter. i was just as bad as what i said was bothering me. the phone, a text, myspace, even making plans, and most of all a friendship in general... works two ways. and there i had been, making myself out to be the victim in this whole deal. i failed to see that i was doing exactly what my friends were (or weren't for that matter). and in the end, we both were, and weren't to blame.
its easy to blind yourself by your own anger or hurt. its easy to make things about you and no one else and fail to notice the effort of others. i'm just glad i have my cold hearted best friend to call me out on my contradictions. she would normally give up on someone by now, but she loves me and wants me in her life. she said that in similar words that made me cry more. i couldn't ask for a more amazing best friend.
and i don't -- but i've been blessed to have another one or two or three of them. my hispanic twin came to visit me this weekend. it's been a year since i've seen her and i was pleasantly surprised to see how much we've changed but when it comes down to it, we say the same things at the same times and laugh at how we are like the same person, even though its been so long since we've been around each other. two days was not long enough to be with her.. but it was wonderful to catch up!
and when it all boils down to it... i have something that i've longed for all my life. everyday i thank god that he's in my life. i honestly could not imagine my life now without him. i love my baby austen! who did you think i was talking about?
ooooh, my completely amazing boyfriend? the one who stayed by my side in the hospital. the one who helped me get better by waiting on me hand and foot. the one who i've been with for a year and counting and have absolutely loved every minute of it. the one who knows when to speak up, knows when to back down, knows when to support me, knows when to give space, knows how to behave, and how to act up, knows how to show he loves and cares for me, and knows exactly what to do in every situation, good or bad.
the other day i was with a group of friends, and i imagined what it would be like if nothing romantic had developed between us. it was weird though, because i felt like we'd be best friends even if he hadn't kissed me under the stars that one night, or asked me to be official on the swingy red thing on the playground. we have such a good, stable, solid foundation... i don't see it ever crumbling. aw, you thought i'd actually have a post without mentioning the greatness of my relationship? nope.. can't do it! it's too good not to brag about.
