but you, you just know, you just do

This passion of mine has dwindled down and become a rare occasion that only happens when there is absolutely nothing else to occupy my time. Yes, that saddens me. I wish I could remember to document all the wonder moments in my life, the ones that make me grin ear to ear, the ones that I never ever want to forget... but the things is, that's just not how my passion began, and so I'm not in the habit of writing about all the grandeur. Instead, my writing had its humble beginnings pining over lost loves, aching, wondering, wishing, loathing, but never loving in the sense that I was loved back. I loved to write about being what I thought must be love. But four years of highschool and two years of college came and went, and with one person my passion for spilling my guts in prose faded away because now I didn't have to write about unrequited love. Suddenly my life was a whirlwind of wonderful and I had no need to write my frustrations down because, to be honest, they were few and far between. Sure I still wrote here and there... but I forced myself to. It wasn't something that I had to do for my own sake. I used to write because that was the only way I could deal with rejection and heartache, all my poor pitiful overemotional self inflicted pain. So when that pain stopped, the writing stopped -- or at least minimized quite a bit.

He views this as in insult. I used to write pages and pages about other guys. Heck, even a book! And he gets what? Some letters here and there, and a failed attempt at a blog. But I try and tell him it's the biggest compliment he could get. Honestly, he does so much, I don't know how I could even begin to write down all the ways he makes me happy. There are moments, so random you'd think nothing of it, that I just feel an overwhelming sense of happiness to be with him. And it totally makes me think of a line in the movie Never Been Kissed,

"That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time."