you make it easier when life gets hard

its just one of those things that makes me want to go hide in a corner. showing people my art. it's thrilling and scary at the same time. because i want to get that approval, that "job well done", i need that acceptance of my creativity. sure i get it on the occasional project. here and there. but when i do, it doesn't boost my confidence. it makes me scared that the next thing i do won't be as good. that i've reached my peek and that one project was the last good thing i'll ever do. i do realize this is being slightly overly dramatic, but hello, have you checked out the name of this blog? exactly.

so, though i have tough skin, i hate criticism. i loath showing my dad any project i've done, for fear of his inevitable "but" -- you know, "looks good kiddo... but.... you could change this.." i don't want to know what could be better. i want acceptance. i want good job. PERIOD. and on the other hand, i hate fake reactions. i hate when people see something you've done and get that fake plastered on smile. "oh, that's.. really... good.." now imagine all that pressure, to make something perfect and aesthetic.... and he wonders why i've put off making him anything. HMMMM.

well i guess its my own insecurity. i need to work on confidence in my art. cause goodness knows i have confidence in myself. but art is seriously liking pouring your heart out onto a canvas (or computer.. haha) and allowing the world to see you through your art. and if its hideous... then what? if people hate it, it makes you feel like they think you aren't good enough or talented enough or something enough. it's hard but i guess that's what i've got to deal with being an artiste. ha. yeah.