its not my fault that i want to have it all with you

it's been a very weird day. not at all like i expected it to be. instead of hyper, excited, go go go tamara... i turned into slow, fatigued, bored, unmotivated tamara. whether it was my aching arm, my disappointing pay check, getting verbally attacked for no reason, or pms... something made my whole afternoon pretty crappy. deep down inside i am really excited for camp. my nerves probably got the best of me, resulting in nausea that lasted a few hours... no fun. it's been a very weird day, indeed. 

but now i feel better. still a bit tired, but ready to finish packing completely, finish my book (cross your fingers), and attempt to clean a little bit so that my room isn't a complete wreck when i return. yeah, we'll see about that last one. 

really though, i am looking forward to being up at camp this summer. being with bobby will be... wonderful. i won't have to the long distance summer i always have to do. and i'll be experiencing something that he loves. it'll bring us closer together, i'm sure of it. i think i'll have trouble calling him by his name though. you know, like in front of campers and staff. i'll be like, "hey baby... i mean... bobby..." 

my flight leaves at 5:30am tomorrow morning so i'm going to try and go to bed early tonight. not sure that'll happen, but i guess that means i should go finish everything i need to do! 

i'd rather be with you

i have a dead arm from the tetanus shot i got yesterday. i'm too responsible. i fought myself all week and still in the end made myself do the right thing. i guess that's a good thing... but now i'm not so happy about it. really i was just scared of the shot itself, but now i take back my nonchalance about the aching sore arm that happens for days after. just gotta suck it up and be a big girl. 

it's my last day here for two months. i'll be at camp up in massachusetts.. crazy, i know! i wanted to do something different, something new and so here i go. almost ready for 6am mornings and hard mattresses. answering phones, and announcing schedules. enjoying the company of little kids and inevitably dealing with bratty 13 year girls who think they are hot. i'll miss my family. i probably won't miss my mom constantly taking about canap, or my dad's "playful" violence that actually hurts, or sharayah's constant inquiries as to my whereabouts. but i will miss all the rest of my family dynamic. 

"boston" by augustana just played on pandora and it makes me smile because that's where i'm headed tomorrow. i have to finish packing (which is going to be a miracle if i can fit everything i want to bring) and finish reading 'angels & demons' by dan brown today. doesn't seem like much, but i'm sure at the end of the day i'll wonder where the time went. time really does fly.. i hope i have enough energy to keep up with the pace of camp. i don't know exactly what to expect.. but that's half the fun, right? 

and when i see you, i really see you upside down

i've decided that maybe the reason no one likes to read my blog is because, one--they don't know about it, two--even if they knew about it, they wouldn't be interested, three--all the kissing scared them off. so here's my solution.. tadah!

besides that, i leave for camp in five days! very exciting, but i'm oh so apprehensive. i'm going to miss being lazy and having nothing to do all day. but on the plus side i'll be with my man and be getting paid for doing stuff that i believe will be extremely easy to do. i hope camp gives me awesome stories to tell, especially on this blog that no one reads. 

cheers.