i'll be the one to keep you one disaster less

maybe in ten years i'll be one a book tour promoting my new and much anticipated novel, most likely filled with silly anecdotes about my pathetic life. i read stephanie klein's blog all the time. due to her most recent post, i discovered jen lancaster's blog and realized that as much as i dream of being a fancy shmancy graphic designer (which is totally going to rock, don't get me wrong), i want to be an author and always have. i mean, i was writing since second grade. i remember writing short stories and asking the teacher if i could read them in front of the class. how is it that i had balls back when i was a kid but now you wouldn't find me dead offering to read a group of people my writing. of course there are the few individuals who get the privilege of reading "my book"... but, 75 pages in and i've lost my drive. i started it last summer and have since reached a point where i don't even care to recall events that happened back then. it's gotten to the point where i just want to get through it and not go into details, but that's exactly why i wanted to write it in the first place... to go into incredibly witty sarcastic details about the ridiculous relationships i found myself in for the past few years. and now that i write this, it actually makes me want to keep working on it.. maybe i will. 

besides that, i'm continually surprised at me and bobby's ability to get through.. um.. anything. 3 am phone calls and 3 emails later we somehow managed to get through a confusing night where we were both in complete emotional turmoil for absolutely no reason. and we come out stronger. and it surprises me because i'm so used to those situations where i have no clue whats going on and the next thing i know, the boy (not man) decides he "can't handle school and a relationship" or is "gonna be too busy this summer"... yeah.. i was bracing myself for the worst because that's what i'm used to. i do realize how pathetic that sounds, but it's true. after a string of failed relationships.. you are naturally going to be skeptic of the one that finally works out. and it just amazes me how different bobby is... how we can get through things because, oh my gosh, we love each other and that's what love is. working through things because you don't want to hurt the other person and you just want to make them happy. or something like that. and i think we both do a pretty damn good job of making each other happy.